Wednesday, April 2, 2014

America: A Nation of Ninnies? A New Rolling Eyes Column! ((0) (0))

At 4:13 am on April 2, 2014, America's challenges seem obvious--and, as much as I hate to yank credit, they aren't Obama's fault. Is he responsible for a TV commercial which runs nightly, claiming that everybody's talking about No-No, a hair-removal device? Did he personally orchestrate another TV commercial which claims that everybody's happier with a tan? No, no!

Does anybody in his right mind believe these claims? Not one of my neighbors rushes at me to exclaim over No-No. As a fair-skinned American, I blanch at the insistence that I need a tan. Tanning machines offer a prescription for skin cancer for Casper the Ghost and his relatives. Yet these demands keep pouring at America's night-owls--and pouring out of our media into the world--and nobody objects.

Meanwhile, the search for MH370 concerns security analysts worldwide. Earthquakes threaten California and Chile. Cancer patients may not know whether Obamacare gives them health insurance or not. And--the kicker!--Americans know more about energy supplies in the Ukraine than they do in their own states. Just dive into research on energy suppliers and distributers in the US, if you're very, very brave.

Since when have we, as a nation, accepted outright nonsense as our nightly fare? Since when do we pay more attention to body hair and a "glowing" tan than we do to the power that keeps that TV running and the heat on during a savage winter? As the Arctic vortex eases, can we expect US citizens to walk out of their insulated caves like sleepy bears, and shriek: "Yikes! What's happening?"

Here's a newsflash if we need one: That savage winter has drained US energy sources, and sent fuel bills sky-high! Just call your energy company for the real scoop because you won't find it on the media. And here's the devil in the details: No amount of body hair has been keeping us warm this winter. Tans won't accomplish that miracle, either. Require relevant information from the media because hairless amoebas enjoy very short lives. 

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