Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Death of Marriage: Blame It on WWWA

The Death of Marriage: Blame It on WWWA

By Margaret Curtis, PhD

Imagine World Wide Wrestling hulks on ads for marriage. Can you see it? Nope, me neither.

For whom do these raging maniacs perform? It can’t be women.

Women watch Law and Order instead. There, the rules of survival take priority, and here they come:

1.    Don’t hang out with men with anger management problems.
2.    Don’t be flattered by men who watch their bodies in   mirrors.
3.    Don’t listen to men who scream, instead of converse.
4.    Don’t accept gifts from men who want to put women’s heads on platters.
5.  Don’t be impressed by males who dig body slams and smashed faces.

What are hard-muscled champions good for? Impressing each other on TV. While they are bashing each other, what are women doing? Here comes another list:

1.    The laundry, which is always the woman’s job, of course.
2.    The housekeeping, because all the dirt belongs to her.
3.    The care-giving, because somebody’s got to mend boo-boos.
4.    The meals, because spit and blood don’t taste good.
5.    The car, because hulks specialize in crack-ups.

Ever since Popeye pumped his bicep, Olive Oil has looked like a string bean. Now, even the littlest girls long to pop on that bikini, and simper for the camera.

Reality left Hollywood and the Big Apple long ago. No woman picks up the Hulk’s slack while making love to cinematic machines. She can’t even get out of bed if she’s anorexic.

Men who rage across rings and launch their belts high overhead need a very long list of assistants, including lawyers, psychiatrists, plumbers, electricians, and real estate agents.

After the hulks have bashed each other AND their residences AND every woman who is silly enough to allow proximity, what remains of marriage? Not a single thing.

This declaration is not a feminist manifesto.  Men who prefer raging bulls to the male of the human species belong in cartoons, where they can’t hurt anybody.

People ache when they buy into life as Anger and what police call “ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON,”--a mind which cannot conceive of SIT DOWN AND LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS--  

because talk is the essence of civilized life, and adults can’t blame kids for acting like morons if all they see is men with snarling nostrils and bulging arms NOT wrapped around their families. 

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