Monday, June 4, 2012

Zombiism: The Downside

By Meg Curtis

Zombies contend with the ultimate victimization. They suffer from stereotyping which casts them as dirty, unsightly (to say the very least and then some), frightening, and even egregiously hungry. So, are we describing a teenaged rebel here, or what?

How many of us know a zombie well enough to assess these attributes? I will admit that I know a good many individuals who talk about zombies, appear to believe in zombies, and may even be interested in dating zombies, but I don’t know one dead-on zombie, do you?

In fact, the interest in dating zombies completely baffles me.  Who wants to hear endless tales of, “Boy, you should have known me when I was dead….” I know enough dead-heads already, and aspire to know no more. If I wanted to hear about life under the dirt, I’d live there myself.

Verifying a zombie defies all determination. What do we do—take a blood sample? That could get us in serious trouble with the law. Imagine yourself explaining:  “Look, I was just trying to get a sample of this guy’s blood when he hauled off and bit me.” And yes, I often say: “Bite me!”

The few men I have suspected of being zombies, I admit it, led me on. They said things like “Can’t get enough sleep.” “Can’t find my underwear—you got it?” “Maybe should wear a paper bag on my head.” I wanted to inquire as to their zombie persuasion, but left them in the closet.  

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