Paul Ryan: Leading the Body Fat Brigade

By Meg Curtis, PhD

Forget birth certificates and tax returns. Let’s get on to releasing the body fat percentages of America’s political candidates. Paul Ryan easily takes the lead in that sweepstakes. ABC has announced his body fat stands at 6 to 8%.

No lawsuits or court orders are needed on this score. ABC News fronts that information in “Rumors of Paul Ryan’s 6-Pac Abs Make Internet Swoon” (par. 1).

The same source identifies a correlation between physical and fiscal fitness when they write: “The latest [addition] to the presidential ticket may pack a hefty punch on the policy side, but at 162 pounds and 6 to 8 percent body fat, Paul Ryan is as fit and trim as his budget plan.”

What this campaign needs has arrived, and its schedule couldn’t be clearer. Readers can access “P90X Workout Schedule – Classic Doubles Lean” for the P90X workouts favored by Congressman Ryan. The work-out schedule provides the foundation for the program, and takes “from 3-6 weeks” (par.3).

This is the stated goal of that time period: “The first phase of P90X2 is the foundation phase which is designed to last from 3-6 weeks. To prepare you for the rest of the program and for a higher level of intensity, it focuses on developing balance and strengthening your core.”

Now, to which “core” does this passage refer? Possibilities loom galore:

1.   The center of the human body.

2.   The solid base of a political party

3.   The House of Representatives

In the latter, Paul Ryan, the House Budget Chair, already has bipartisan Representatives huffing and puffing to slim down and sleek up fiscal waste. Under his leadership every morning, they go through those paces, with him leading the way.

Now, Internet usage reveals that Ryan’s leadership has expanded astronomically. ABC News records: “The term ‘Paul Ryan P90X’ went from zero people searching it on Friday afternoon to tens of thousands of searches on Saturday, according to Google trends” (par. 5).

While Barrack Obama jokes about Michele forbidding his indulgence in fried Twinkies, work-out fans are marshalling their brigades, and the numbers couldn’t be more impressive. This is no joke to these folks, who relish conquering all tomfoolery in the coming election.

Where is the “core” of America? Does it consist of fiscal flabbies or strenuous gym-rats, determined to bring voters up to speed on bottom lines, budget ceilings, and every single exercise required to make those two far-fetched limits collide?

By the time the election arrives in November, how many highly disciplined athletes will have morphed into fiscal fanatics? Count the weeks for the P90X2 foundation workout: 3-6. No matter how the math proceeds, Ryan’s body fat brigade will be ready!